woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
