Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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