shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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