he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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