I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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