I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
