man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
