So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
