3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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