I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
