It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
