I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
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Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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