It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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