So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
