wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
