So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
