I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
