I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
