seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
