Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
