My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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