that's an acceptable place to lick
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
