hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
