You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
