You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
