I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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