In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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