my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The air was thick with penises
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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