I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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