she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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