I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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