windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
