My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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