your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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