Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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