I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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