My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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