I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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