dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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