Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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