i already hear my dad disowning me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
