Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize