Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
