I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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