He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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