i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
