This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
