I'm going to jail i love you
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
