I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
