Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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