That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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