Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
