We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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