So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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