do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
