It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
kristin has been a bad kristin
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
