oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
