Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
