You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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