I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
