maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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