I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
