My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
